YISRO 1987

In the Torah portion Yisro we learn how Yisro comes to Sinai to meet his son-in-law, Moshe.  He brings with him Moshe's wife and Moshe's two sons.  Moshe had originally taken his wife and children with him when he went to Egypt, but when Aaron met him at the entrance to Egypt Aaron told him, "What are you bringing more slaves to Egypt for?  Send them home.  Moshe did.  Moshe's father-in-law is coming to visit him bringing Moshe's wife and children.  Yisro is very apprehensive.  He does not know how Moshe is going to greet him.  After all, Yisro is a blot on Moshe's past.  Moshe was subjected to much criticism because he never spent a day in slavery.  He was raised as a prince in Egypt.  According to the rabbis, he was even the conqueror of Ethiopia.  After he tried to intervene in a dispute between a Jew and an Egyptian and he killed the Egyptian he fled Egypt when he saw the Jews fighting among themselves.  According to the rabbis, he went to Midian and married Zippora and even agreed to raise his first child as a gentile.  All these facts would now be known and emphasized by Yisro's coming to see Moshe.  Yisro was worried, and the rabbis say, therefore, he sent a messenger to Moshe saying, "I am your father-in-law who is coming to you and your wife and her two sons with her.  In other words, "Moshe, if you won't come out for me, at least come out for your wife, and if you will not come out for your wife, at least come out for your children."  Of course, Moshe was a bigger man than all that, and came himself to greet his father-in-law, and because he came all the others came and Yisro was greeted in a very fine manner.  Yisro decided then that he was going to become a Jew.  The rabbis teach us that Yisro decided to become a Jew because he saw what happened at the shores of the Red Sea and he saw what happened at the fight of Amalek.  Because of these two things he decided to become a Jew.  The rabbis say that Yisro had tried every single religion.  That's why traditionally they say Yisro had seven names, because every time he changed from one religion to another he changed his name.  There is another interpretation that the rabbi at my father and mother's wedding gave.  My grandfather and grandmother had only two daughters and they gave a very lavish wedding for my mother who was married in the middle of the Depression.  The rabbi said the reason Yisro had seven names was because he had seven daughters, and every time he gave a wedding he became bankrupt and had to change his name.  Of course, the more traditional explanation is that Yisro changed religions because he found all the other religions wanting.  He found that Judaism was the religion for him.

The rabbis tell us that Yisro was very upset with his son-in-law, Moshe, and he reprimanded him, because he was sitting while all the people were standing in the hot sun.  He told Moshe this was not the way to behave, that Moshe should set up a series of lower courts and only the hard cases should come to him.  Yisro was upset because he felt Moshe was not showing adequate respect to the people, and that, of course, is what Judaism meant to him.  Judaism meant to you had to show respect the individual.  You had to treat each individual with dignity, and that every human being had self-worth.  Here it looked that Moshe was violating his own principles.  The rabbis ask, how was it possible for Yisro to think this about Moshe?  After all, Moshe was willing to die for his people.  At one time G-d had even said he was going to destroy the Jewish people and start a new people from Moshe, but Moshe would have nothing to do with it.  Who could have loved the Jewish people more than Moshe?  Yet, Yisro was right.  Many times because we do not think we do things which cause us to lose pest for ea oh other.  We do little things, things which cause our love for each other to wither and to die.  What we do then is treat each other with disrespect.  The people, of course, were beginning to grumble.  After all, they were standing in the hot sun while Moshe was sitting judging them.  This was not the way a leader should act toward his people.  Moshe, of course, did not do it on purpose.  It was just a result of his not thinking.

Many times it happens that people do not treat each other in the proper way.  They are not there when they are needed.  They always excuse themselves by saying, "Well, you know how I feel, like a parent who never attends the recital of her children, never goes to the Little League games, never helps them with their homework, never is there to answer their question, never attends a school play, and, yet, when the child wants to know why the parent says, "Well, you know how I really feel," but the child does not really know how he really feels.  The only way we know how a person really feels is by their actions.  Their actions tell how they really feel.  Many times it happens that a spouse will tell the other spouse how much he loves and cares for her, and, yet, when she gets sick he still goes out bowling and playing cards with the boys.  He is never there when she needs him.  He won't take her to the doctor, etc.  What does this love mean?  In fact, it is worse that he says he loves her because he shows what a hypocrite he is.  We all remember that many parents and grandparents who came from the old country used to never compliment their children and say they were good and they were beautiful because they were afraid of the Ayin Hor, the evil eye.  The kids always know their parents loved them and were concerned about them because their parents were always there.  They could always count on the support of their parents.  They could see by their actions that their parents loved and cared for them, and, therefore, they respected them and cared for their parents in turn.  We know that actions are much more important than words.  You cannot just rely upon stating and mouthing a few sentiments.  That, of course, is what Yisro saw in Judaism.  It was a real religion, a religion which taught mutual respect, which taught mutual responsibility, a religion which taught the people always had to be there willing to help, and that, of course, impressed Yisro very much.  It doesn't really make any difference what job we do.  In marriage it is not important how the duties are divided, just that everyone knows that the other is responsible for something so the duties will be taken care of, that the spouse should be able to rely on the other spouse.  If you cannot rely on your spouse, then it is almost impossible to live together because you do not know what to expect.  It is a very difficult situation then.

That's, of course, why Yisro said he joined Judaism because of the two incidents:  one at the Red Sea and the war of Amalek.  What happened at the Red Sea?  At the Red Sea the Jewish people were trapped and G-d said, "Travel," so Nachshen Ben Avidonov jumped in the water up to his neck until the water split.  The rabbis say he did a very great thing.  In fact, even to this day those people who are in the vanguard of either moral or physical action, those with great courage are called Nachsholim.  Why should this be so?  After all, couldn't Nachshen swim?  If he could swim he could go way over his head.  It didn't have to go to his neck.  The answer is that he did an act that he could do.  He saw a need and he was there, and he was able to show an example to the rest of the Jewish people.  That, of course, is all that is required of anyone in any given situation:  not extraordinary action but ordinary action, to be there when you are needed, when you see a need to fulfill it, not to act irresponsibly, not to act slighting the other person, not to show dishonor to the other person, but to always show respect.  That is the basis of any type of relationship, to be there.  Your actions speak louder than your words.

That, of course, is also what happened when Amalek attacked the Jewish people.  Amalek attacked the laggards in the Jewish people, the Tribe of Dan, who were outside the cloud of glory.  Amalek thought the Jewish people would not help them because they were idol worshippers, but Amalek was wrong.  Moshe sent Joshua to fight for them.  How do you know you are a part of a family?  How do you know you have a relationship with somebody?  When that person is there, when that person will help you, when you know you can rely upon them.  That, of course, is the essence of Judaism.  It is not words.  It is being there when you are needed.  Many times young people do not understand that.  They think when they get married that the most important thing is a big house and car and material possessions.  It may be important, but it is not that important.  What is important is the relationship, itself.  It is the same thing between parents and children.  It is not the presents and money you give your children but being there when they need you that is important.  Being a source of support and security, answering question, being there when you are needed is the most important.  Unfortunately, there are many people who feel it is only material things that count, but material things are really only secondary.

I am reminded of the story they tell about a man who loved golf.  When he went to heaven he asked Gabriel, "Is there a golf course here?"  Gabriel said there wasn't.  He then asked, "Well, is there one down below?"  Gabriel said there was one there.  He said, "Well, then I don't want to stay in heave. Send me below."  There he saw a beautiful golf course.  It was a little hotter there than Houston but it was all right.  He decided to go the clubhouse and get some clubs.  He asked the man to give him some clubs, but the man said they did not have any and that was why it was hell.  Unfortunately, many people stress the wrong thing.  They stress the house and car instead of the relationship.  What makes the relationship work is the knowledge you can rely on somebody, that their actions are there.  In any marriage there may be cross and even angry words, but these words will quickly be forgotten if a person's actions are there, if the other person knows you can rely on him and he can rely on you, and that together you can overcome all the problems in the world.  May this also be our lot, that our relationships will always be strong.  Although it is nice to have nice words, may we have always good actions, supporting actions.  This will ensure the relationship will endure regardless of the words.