Vayishlach 1986

In the Torahportion Yislach we learn that Jacob is about ready to meet his brother, Esau.  He knows it will be a difficult meeting. His brother still remembers how he took the blessing from him. His brother is coming with 400 men.  Jacob prepares the best he can:  he sends a peace offering; he prays to G-d; and he prepares for war.  At the very end he tranfers his family across the Wadiyaboch, and then he goes himself back to fetch a few things. The text says, "Vayeevoser Yaacov L'Vado - and Jacob was left alone - Vayeovaik Ishimo At Aloshochar - and a man wrestled with him until the going up of dawn".  Some rabbis explain that Jacob was really wrestling with himself, that Jacob had a terrible dilemma.  He did not know whether he should return to his family and confront Esau or whether he should run away.  After all, nothing probably would happen to his family if he was not there. Esau would just incorporate his wives into his harem.  After all, they were beautiful women and his children would be raised by Esau.  They would lack for nothing.  Meanwhile, he would flee and he would have no problem.  He would not be forced to kill or be killed.  Jacob had a history of fleeing from his problems.  That is what he did when he heard that his brother hated him after he took the blessing from him.  He went to Mesopotamia at his mother's urging, but he went, himself.  Later when he had a problem with Laban and Laban's sons, how they no longer regarded him as an asset, how he did not confront Laban but ran away. Jacob had a history of running away from his problems, not confronting his problems.  Jacob wrestled all night with his problem.  Eventually, he did return to his family and we know it turned out all right at the end.
However, there is an underlying assumption here:  it is all right to flee.  In modern America today we have two theories.  One theory speaks about the autonomous man who must be free at all times to make decisions, that it is right sometimes to desert your family and let them confront the problems, that sometimes it is all right to run away from your problems, that you do not have to solve them, you can run away from them.  We find this point of view advocated many times even in the public schools, that people should not be tied down, that they should get out of responsibility if it is inconvenient so they can develop themselves better.  Jacob had to determine whether he should flee or return.  This was a hard struggle.  Judaism always tells us we must stay and confront our problems.  We do not believe in the type of freedom which is advocated in certain circles in the United States where you must be free to do anything you want to do.  If you are forced to do anything, then it is bad.  Many times I have people who come to my office who say, "You know, it was so much better when we lived together before we got married or living together after we got married than it was when we were married, because when we were married we had to do things."
That is, of course, what Judaism teaches, that you have to do things.  Freedom without responsibility, freedom without commitment is no freedom.  You have a freedom to make a commitment.  Once you have made a commitment you should stick with it unless there are unusual circumstances.  A person cannot be happy if he is always running away.  In today's world it is much easier to get a divorce than it is to solve your problems. It is much cheaper, too.  Women have been sold a big bill of goods, that it is better that they get a divorce.  After the first year of marriage, the average woman's income is decreased by 73% and the average man's income is increased by 43%.  That is
not a very good option, then, for women.  In fact, even Betty Friedan speaks about it in her new book, "The Second Stage".
Judaism does not say that we all must have the option of always to be free not to assume responsibility.  We say we must assume responsibility, and when we assume responsibility that is what ultimately makes us happy, that unless you assume responsibility you can never grow and you can never mature.  I know that many times when I teach class I pose the problem:  what is the greater Mitzvah? If a man was walking down the street and a beggar came to him and asked for a dollar, and a person, out of the goodness of his heart, gave him $10.  Is that the greater Mitzvah? Or, what happens if a person is walking down the street and a beggar approached him and asked for a dollar, and the person remembered that his father had taught him and told him and even commanded him, that if a beggar comes and asks for a dollar you should give him more, and, therefore, he grudgingly stuck his hand in his pocket and gave the beggar $10.  Which is the greater Mitzvah? Invariably, everyone in my class would say the first case where a person gave what he wanted out of the goodness of his heart while in the second case there was compulsion involved.  But Judaism says that the second case is superior.  The bigger Mitzvah is to give because you are commanded to do so, and not because you feel like doing it.  Doing things just because you feel like doing them is a terrible thing.  We don't always feel like giving charity to the poor.  What happens when we don't feel like doing it? Does that mean we do not have to do it? What happens when you don't feel like giving your wife the paycheck? What happens if you do not feel like supporting your children? What happens when you don't feel like doing the right thing? Does that mean you do not have to do the right thing? 80% or 90% of the time we usually feel like doing the right thing, especially if we freely
choose the commitment.  But, yet, we do not always feel we have to do the right thing.
That is, of course, why after this struggle Jacob's name was changed to Yisraei, which means a person who struggles with G-d and man and victorious,  It is not easy to do the right thing. We do not always want to do the right thing.  We don't always do the thing we know is moral and just.  Sometimes we want to take the easy way out and run away from our problems.  Sometimes we do not want to do what we know we should do.  That's why Jacob's name still remained Jacob and not Israel. Sometimes he was called Jacob and sometimes he was called Israel,  He didn't always live up to the name Israel.  Sometimes he took the easy path.  After all, we learn later on how he played favorites among his children, how he preferred Joseph over the rest.  We learn, too, earlier how he had cheated his brother, how he, himself, did not always do the right thing.  Jacob, too, had to struggle to do the right thing.  He was not always victorious, just as we struggle to do the right thing but do not always do it.  We should never say it is right to do anything you want, anything you feel like. We know that the right thing is to do what is moral, what is just.  If we don't live up to it, it is our fault, not the standard's fault.  There are objective standards outside of us. There isn't just subjective morality.  We are supposed to stand by our family and help them.  We are supposed to protect them. Jacob would have been completely wrong if he had run away.  The essence in life is for all of us to help each other, to realize that people need us and realize that not everyone can equally combat the problems of life.  A father can more easily go out and make a living than a wife who is pregnant and has children. Judaism says we are all equal under the law and that we should all have equal opportunity, but many times people with certain
talents cannot take the same education as people without these talents,  We don't train an athlete who doesn't have any ability for the violin to be a violinist, etc.  Each person must be treated according to his needs, but, yet, we all have to be responsible.  We all have to act in the proper way.  We don't level people and pretend there are no differences.  Husbands have to come home and protect their wives.  Wives, too, have to do things for their husbands even if they don't feel like doing it. Most of the time they will feel like doing it, but not always.
I am reminded of the story they tell about Pravda, the Communist newspaper.  They wrote an article in there that Adam and Eve were communists.  The article was presented to a rabbi who said, "You know, I agree with Pravda this time.  People who did not have a stitch of clothes, ate apples all day, and thought they lived in paradise must be communists,"  In life we do not level all differences.  We do not say people are better off not needing us, that if I desert people they are stronger and better for it.  We must be responsible and act responsible and must keep our commitments.  That is what it means to be a Yisrael, a Jew. Sometimes we fail.  Sometimes we try to slough off our responsibilities.  Sometimes we try to say everyone should take care of their own, but that is wrong. We are called upon to fulfill our commitments.  We have to do what is right and just. Sometimes we will fail, but if we want to be a Jew, Yisrael, we will have to throughout life struggle.  We can never say we have finished struggling.  In the very end of our life we can still change and not do the right thing.  That's why G-d's name is never associated with any of the patriarchs until they died, with the exception of Yitzchak and only after he gets blind, because we can still fail to be a Jew if we fail to struggle to do the right thing.  We have to struggle to do the right thing by our
family, especially, and everyone,  If we do we are truly deserving of the name Yisrael.