Terumah 1987

Making Your Home a Tabernacle

We have just witnessed an ancient Jewish custom of the bride circling the groom seven times.  There are many explanation for this, but the one I like best is the one which compares the bride circling the groom to Simchas Torah.  On Simchas Torah we take out all the Torahs from the synagogue and parade them around the synagogue seven times.  This is to signify that the Torah is our most precious possession.  Today, Howie, by Jennie circling you seven times, you are declaring that she is the most precious thing to do in the whole world.  Marriage is a difficult thing.  It is not easy.  In fact, we say that it is harder for G‑d to make a good match than it was for Him to split the Red Sea.

They tell the story about a Roman matron who came to Rabbi Yosi Ben Kalafta and said, "How many days did it take the Holy One, Blessed be He, to create the world?" He answered, "Six days."  She said to him, "From that time on, what is He doing?" He said to her, "He is making matches, the daughter of so and so to the son of so and so."  She said, "Is that all He is doing?  Even I can do that.  I have many manservants and maidservants.  I am able to make matches in one moment."  He said to her, "If this thing is so easy to you, it is harder for the Holy One, Blessed be He, than it was for Him to split the Red Sea."  She left him, and what did she do?  She brought 1000 manservants and 1000 maidservants and stood them opposite each other in rows.  She said to them, " You are married to her, and you are married to him" and she matched them all up one night.  The next morning when they came before here this one had a broken arm, this one a black eye, this one a broken nose.  She at once sent for Rabbi Yosi Ben Kalafta, and she said to him, "Rabbi, your Torah is true and beautiful and praiseworthy, but you spoke correctly."

In this beautiful Medrash we learn that marriage is not an easy thing.  It takes a lot of hard work.  As I mentioned to you yesterday in my speech, you must not try to change each other's personality.  you must accept each other as you are.  Otherwise you will have a lot of trouble.  By now each of you knows the other very well.  You know each other's weak spots.  Each of you can stick the knife in and twist, but do not do it.  If you do, it will destroy your respect for each other and your love will wither and die.

You are now standing under a chupa, a peculiar structure, a structure which has a roof but no sides, the exact opposite of a succah.  A succah has sides but no roof.  Why should this be?  Why should a Chuson and Kallah stand under a chupa?  The rabbis tell us that the roof stands for common values and common aspirations and goals.  If a couple shares common aspirations and goals, then it does not make any difference what the sides of their home are made of.  They can be made of gold and silver or straw and tin, but if a couple does not share common goals and even if the sides of their home is covered in gold, the marriage will not endure, but if they share common goals even if the sides are made out of tin or straw, the marriage will endure.  The most important thing is common goals and aspiration.

The succah, on the other hand, teaches us that we all need G‑d's help, that no matter how formidable our buildings, they are all subject to the whims of nature.  We all need G‑d's help in order to succeed.  The chupa tells us this is true, but the couple, if the marriage is to succeed, must help each other by communicating.  G‑d helps those who help themselves.  Marriage is a very difficult institution and the couple must communicate if they want it to endure.  If they communicate, especially their goals and aspiration, likes and dislikes, then G‑d will help their marriage endure.

May this happen to you.  May you always communicate with each other.  May you be blessed with many children, and may your love always endure because you respect each other.  May G‑d's presence always be felt in, your marriage, and, because you help each other, may G‑d help you.  Amen.