TETZAVEH 1997

In the Torah portion Tetzaveh we learn how Aaron was supposed to light the menorah every morning in the Holy of Holies.  It says, "And you shall command the Sons of Israel and they should take to you pure olive oil beaten for the light to cause to go up the eternal flame, in the tent of meeting outside the curtain, which is on the testimony Aaron and his children should arrange it from evening until morning before G‑d a law for your generations from the Sons of Israel."  This is hard to understand because we know that the Temple did not stand forever, that we have not had a Temple for almost two thousand years now.  How could the Torah say that this should be a law forever for generations?
Of course, the rabbis say that this flame in the Ner Tamid stood for the devotion of the Jewish people to 0-d.  It stood for the relationship between G‑d and the Jewish people, which was to be eternal, and when Aaron lit the menorah, he was to light it in such a way as to signify what type of relationship we are to have between man and G‑d, between the Jewish people and G‑d.

We all know that the rabbis consider that the paradigm for the relationship between G‑d and the Jewish people is the relationship between a husband and wife.  From this Torah portion we can learn how we are to relate as a husband and a wife, because we are to relate to each other the same way that G‑d relates to the Jewish people and the Jewish people are supposed to relate to G‑d.

Also in this Torah portion, we learn about the different garments that Aaron was to wear when he was High Priest.  We learn that he was to wear a robe which had bells on the bottom of it, and these bells would always signify that he was approaching.  It says, "And it shall be upon Aaron to serve and his voice should be heard when he will enter into the Holy before G‑d and when he will go out so that he shall not die."  Now, we can understand why Aaron should have to wear bells for the rest of the Jewish people.  After all, it is a Jewish law that you are not supposed to enter into even your own house before you knock.  After all, everyone is entitled to a certain amount of privacy.  A person should not be startled or frightened in his own house so, therefore, you should.  warn a person when you are coming into a house, even into your own house.  But why is it that Aaron had to have bells on his robe when he entered into the Holy of Holies?  After all, G‑d knows all our thoughts; G‑d knows where we are and what we are doing, so why did he have to, so to speak, warn G‑d that he was entering into the Holy of Holies by having a robe that had bells on it?  Of course, we know that G‑d does not need to be warned, but G‑d is teaching us something very important, and that is that in order to have any type of relationship we must have Derek Eretz, respect.  We have to treat each other with respect.  We have to realize that your spouse has certain needs for inner space, that a spouse needs a certain amount of inner privacy and you cannot just barge in all the time in that privacy.  You have to give them space.  This, of course, is what this is teaching use that we all have to be extremely sensitive to the needs of other people, especially of our spouse.  We cannot say, well, since it is my husband or my wife, I can barge in anytime and not respect their privacy.  We have to respect their privacy, too.

We also learn that when Aaron put on his special apron, he had to have two jewels on his shoulders and on these two jewels he was to bear the names of the Jewish people.  All the names of the Jewish people were to be borne on his shoulders.  Later on, too, when we learn that the breastplate, which was attached to this apron, it had to be attached over his breast, and that on this breastplate also had to be inscribed the names of the Jewish people, and it says, "You should put them on the breastplate, and they should be on the heart of Aaron when he comes before &d."  In other words, the names of the Jewish people had to be on his shoulders and opposite his heart.  This, of course, teaches us that when we have a relationship with our spouse, this relationship must improve both our shoulders and our heart.  It is not enough to say that you love someone; you also have to be there for them.  You have to show this love through actions.  This, of course, is very, very important.  Yes, sometimes we know that people love us but they never show their love.  A parent never goes to his child's concert or inquires about how his child is doing in school or is never interested in his report card or his social activities or friends.  Yes, the child maybe knows abstractly the parent loves him, after all, the parent is supporting him, but he does not really feel this love.  You have to demonstrate your love through actions.  Many times people do the opposite.  They can act in such a way that they seem to be supporting their child but they can do it with such hate that, therefore, it destroys everything they are doing for their child.  Of course, as I have spoken about many times before, you do not always have to want to do everything that the child or your spouse wants.  The very fact that you are willing to go with them shows that you love them, even though you are really not particularly interested in that activity.  It is important that these sacrifices be accepted, too, by the other spouse, but you do not do it with hate but maybe with indifference, but you do not do it with hate.  Any time that you do an act that you know that the spouse wants but you do it with hate, then, of course, you are going to destroy the relationship, so that in order to have a relationship you must carry the names not only in your heart but also on your shoulder.  You must have both.

The rabbis teach us, too, that the way the oil was prepared also teaches us about how we are to have this relationship since the whole menorah symbolized the relationship between man and G‑d.  We know that, first of all, Aaron had to bring the menorah up, that the frame had to rise, which teaches us, too, that when we have a relationship with someone, the relationship should elevate us.  It should bring out the best in us.  If we think we love someone but it always brings out the worst in us, then this relationship is not a good relationship and should not continue.  The relationship that we have with G‑d should bring out the best in us, not the worst in us.  That is what Judaism had against paganism.  Paganism brought out the worst in people, child sacrifice, other types of abnormal and perverse behavior.  This is not a correct relationship, but the relationship should bring out the best in you, and if it does not bring out the best in you, then it is a wrong relationship and should be severed.

The rabbis also teach us that the oil that was used for the menorah had to be just the first drop of oil from the olive.  In other words, you could not put the olive in a mortar or pestle or any other kind of machine.  In those days they had machines, too, only they were hand driven and not electric driven, because if you would crush the olive you would get a lot of impurities and these impurities would cause the oil not to be clear.  Of course, you could always strain the oil later and remove these impurities, but the rabbis said this was not proper in any type of a relationship.  What you want to do when you go into a relationship is have pure olive oil.  You should not go into a relationship with the idea that you are going to change your spouse or get rid of the impurities.  When you are with your spouse you should feel comfortable and happy, not exuberantly happy but you should feel comfortable, and if you are not comfortable with your spouse and their traits and you are always on tender hooks, this is a bad relationship and you should not get into it.  You should not think that you are going to get into the relationship and then you are going to remove all these impurities.  It is not going to work that way.  When you have a relationship, the relationship should elevate you, should bring out the best in you, and should also be a relationship in which you are comfortable.  If you cannot have this type of relationship, then your relationship is not truly a good relationship.

So we learn from this Torah portion that when we have a relationship we must remember that we, first of all, have to treat each other with respect, that we have to also treat each other with proper respect and dignity.  We have to have this relationship on our heart and also on our shoulders.  We have to pool our responsibilities, not just our feelings, in this relationship.  Our feelings must not just be correct but also our responsibilities must be correct.  This relationship must elevate us, and it also must be a relationship in which we are comfortable.

That's why at the very end of this Torah portion we learn about the incense altar, which actually talks about the relationship between G‑d and man.  It cements that relationship.  It says that if you have completed the Tabernacle in the proper way, you are going to have a wonderful relationship with G‑d.  That's what the Torah says the incense stood for that was offered on the altar.  The rabbis say it stands for Kedusha, holiness, Tahara, purity, Rachameem, mercy, and Tikvah, hope.  In any relationship you have to have Kedusha, and Kedusha comes from treating each other with respect and by realizing that this relationship is going to elevate you.  Tahara means that it is pure, that you are comfortable with this relationship, that you are not entering into the relationship to try to change a lot of things.  Rachameem means that you treat each other with mercy and kindness and understanding and that you also do your share.  Tikvah means the relationship will have hope, that you will have hope for the future, that you are not always worried that things are going to fall apart, that you know that your relationship is going to endure because it is based on the right ingredients.

Let us all hope and pray that we will always have these types of relationships so that the Jewish family will be strong.  I am reminded of the story they tell about a man who came to his father and said, "I love her, I love her, I love her.  I have to marry her."  The father said, "What do you mean?" The son answered, "Well, I found the right girl.  I gotta marry her."  The father said, "Okay, P11 make you a $104,000 wedding and give you a honeymoon around the world and then you come into business with me."  The son did it and four months later he came to his father and said, "I hate her, I hate her, I hate her."  His father said, "What do you mean?  You just said you loved her."  The son said, "But, Daddy, this woman uses terrible four letter words."  The father replied, "Listen, Son, in this day and age they use these words."  The son said, "No, Daddy, these are terrible words."  The father asked what kind of words she was using, and the son replied, "Work, duty, help, kids."  When it comes to a relationship they must be founded on the right ingredients.  They must be founded on the same ingredients that cause us to have a wonderful relationship with G‑d.  They must elevate us and be a relationship in which we are comfortable, and be a relationship in which we assume responsibility, not just for our feelings but also for our actions, and primarily it must be a relationship which is based on respect.  Let us hope that all our families will have this type of relationship so the Mashiach will come quickly in our day.  Amen.