TERUMAH 1994

In the Torah portion Terumah we learn about the donations that were given by the Jewish people to build the Tabernacle.  We learn how G‑d says to Moshe, "Speak to the Sons of Israel, and they should take from Me Terumah, a donation, from every person whose heart is willing, you shall take My Terumah."  Then it mentions the various items that were to be donated.  The rabbis ask the question, what does it mean they should "take" from Me a donation?  You give a donation, and what does it mean "for Me"?  Does G‑d need any donations?  Later there is another more subtle question.  After it lists a few items it then lists a few more items, but, it tells us what these items are to be used for.  It says, "Oil for the light, and oil that has spices in it, that has fragrance for the anointing, and incense which was, of course, burned on the altar, and onyx stones and stones that are to be set for the Afod Nechosha."  The rabbis all ask the question again, why do we specifically say that we need oil for lighting and fragrant oil for anointing and the incense and the onyx stones for the Afod and the Choshen, etc.?  After all, when it talked about the other objects the blue thread and the purple thread and the crimson thread, the fine linen, etc.  it did not say what they were to be used for.  In fact, it seems strange that they would mention what these items were for when we had not even been told what the general purpose of these donations were to be for.  It was only in the next sentence when it says, "And they shall make for Me a sanctuary and I will dwell in their midst" that we learn exactly what these items are to be used for.  They are to be used to make a Tabernacle.  Notice, it says, "And they shall make for Me a sanctuary and I will dwell in them."

In life we all are called upon to make distinctions and that it is important that we are to learn how to make distinctions.  If we do not learn how to make distinctions then we will not be able to have any happy relationships and will not be able to create a happy home.  Rabbi Soleveitchik explains that all of these items that are mentioned in this Torah portion that were to be put inside the Holy of Holies, which were put into the building which constituted the Temple, was a part of the Temple, are needed in order to have a happy home.  That is why it says, "They shall make for Me a sanctuary and I will dwell in them."  I will dwell in their homes.  I will dwell in their relationships.  We all know that in this Torah portion we speak about the Ark that contained the Ten Commandments, and above the Ark was the cover, which contained two angels, so to speak, cherubim who had wings and the faces of children, and they were facing each other.  We also learn about the table on which the showbread was put.  We learn about the menorah.  We also learn later on about the incense altar.  All these things are necessary, Rabbi Soleveitchik says, in order for us to have a happy home.  We have to have a bed and a table and a chair and a candelabra in order to have a happy and decent home.  This was what was actually in the Temple.  We know that the Ark cover on which these chrubim were are called the Meeshevashem, which means the bed that Moshe Rabbineinu used to hear G‑d's words when he would stand right in that particular spot.  We know that the table was the place that they had the showbread was essential for the Tabernacle.  We also had the incense altar which was, so to speak, the throne of G‑d, the chair in which we offered the incense sacrifices, and then you had the candelabra.

If we look also at these sentences in which we explain oil for the light and we learn that there are four things also necessary in order to have any type of relationship.  This is what we mention in the Havdallah when we mention that we separate between holy and secular, between light and darkness, between Israel and the peoples, and between the 7th day and the rest of the days of creation, to make the Havdallah between a holiday and Shabbos, between holy and holy.  We have to learn how to make distinctions if we are to have relationships that are correct and proper.  In fact, one of the most frequent causes of causing marriages to go on the rocks is when young couples fail to make the proper distinctions.  Many times the husband will come home and be very angry and will vent his anger.  He really is not mad at his wife when he is shouting at her.  He is mad because his boss blamed him for something that was not his fault or something else happened at work that got him very upset and he is coming home and venting his upsetness on his family, but he really is not mad at his family.  The same thing happens when a husband comes home and maybe the wife had a hard day with the children or maybe at her job she had a hard day.  Therefore, she vents her anger at her husband when really she is not mad at her husband.  We have to know how to make distinctions when people are venting their anger and strong emotions when really they are not mad at us, when really they are just trying to unload their emotional burden.  We have to make distinctions but, unfortunately, many people, especially in a marriage relationship, once they feel that anger and tension they do not try to distinguish whether it is really directed at them or just the spouse having to ventilate.  Instead of making this determination they immediately respond, and usually they do not respond in kind but they respond with, so to speak, an atomic bomb.  They will get a slight nudge or slight hurt and will come back with a huge insult, striking at the person's very essence.  This, of course, causes a great deal of trouble.  We all have to know what people mean, not what they just say.  I remember when I first came to the synagogue almost 18 years ago that one of the first articles I wrote appeared in our shul bulletin and someone came to me and was he upset! He said it was a terrible article.  He said I was not quoting enough and should have had a picture and the article is not phrased correctly.  He said I had done a terrible job.  I reread the article and I noticed that I had left his name out.  This time I submitted the article to the "Jewish Herald Voice".  It was the exact same article word for word except this time I put in his name, and when he read that article in the "Jewish Herald Voice" he immediately called me and said, "Rabbi, you wrote a wonderful article, a marvelous article.  That is the kind of articles that you should be writing."  The only difference was that now his name was in it.  Sometimes we have to know what people mean, not what people say.  That, of course, is what we mention right here.  We need the oil for light because a marriage has to be based on truth, and you have to know exactly what the truth is in many instances.  Unfortunately, many marriages break up because one of the spouses cannot say I am sorry, can't say they made a mistake, can't just admit that they were just ventilating feelings and really did not mean anything when they said what they said.  Sometimes instead of apologizing and saying they are sorry and saying they made a mistake, they give all sorts of rationalizations.  Sometimes the smarter they are the quicker the rationalizations and also the more preposterous the rationalizations so when people hearing these rationalizations cannot help but laugh, which only makes the situation even worse.  A marriage to be successful must have a menorah, the light of truth.  There is a difference between light and darkness.  What's more, in any type of a relationship you also have to have the fragrant oil for anointing.  The rabbis explain that this oil for anointing is what made the vessels of the Tabernacle holy.  We all know, too, that this is what they used to inaugurate a priest, that in order to have a relationship you have to have a difference between the secular and the holy.  This, of course, is what the cherubim stood for, the Ark cover stood for.  There has to be a distinction between the holy and the secular.  It is important in any relationship that we observe the different rules and regulations of our religion, but we have to make a distinction between the holy and the secular.  The relationship between especially a husband and wife has to be kept on a holy level.

There is also a distinction between holy and holy, the incense that was burned on the altar was at different times different incense burned.  Of course, that signifies the fact that not everything is holy at every given instance, that there are some things that are holier for this particular instance.  For example, a husband who says that he cannot help with the children because he has to attend this meeting and that meeting and go to this community affair and that community affair has not made a distinction between the holy and the holy.  At this particular junction of life his most important job should be to help his wife raise the children adequately.  Women, too, many times say they are involved in important projects and cannot get pregnant now or have children now and, unfortunately, sometimes they wait until too late and then they can never have children.  Therefore, it is important that things be done at the right time.  You have to make distinctions between holy and holy.

We also have to have a table that is holy.  WE have to separate between Israel and the people.  It is important to have kashruth in the home.  It is important that we have a Jewish home.  It is important that we stress those values which make a home uniquely Jewish because the Jewish home used to be the envy of the world because we created such wonderful people.  There was never any of the types of abusive problems that we have today.  Unfortunately, this is not true anymore because people have given up on the Jewish home.  The Jewish home is not what it used to be.  The Jewish table was not just a table on which kosher food was served.  It was a table at which Zemiros was sung, at which a family got together and discussed their problems, a family in which there was joy and happiness.  It was not a table where kids were supposed to sit there like martinets like it was some sort of a West Point where people had to act like they were robots and could not move and so forth and so on.  We see that when it comes to Judaism we have to make a distinction, too, between a Jewish home and the non-Jewish home.  When it comes to building a Jewish home we have to have a home that is based on truth in which each of the spouses are willing to admit when they are wrong, that a Jewish home must also be based on the difference between holy and secular and they must maintain their relationship on a holy basis and they must never try to hurt the other person's inner character.  If a person is an introvert you should not try to make them an extrovert and vice versa.  We should not touch the inner essence of a human being.  We also have to make a distinction between the holy and the holy.  We have to recognize that at certain times in life we have certain other types of responsibilities which take precedence.  We also have to make a distinction between a Jewish home and a non-Jewish home.  If we will do these things then we will truly create a sanctuary, a home, and by creating these things we will create holiness within ourselves and create relationships which will endure.

That, too, answers the question of why it says they should "take" from Me Terumah.  In the ancient days when a person would give Terumah to the priests, approximately 2% of his crops, there was a two-stage process, that a person, first of all, had to set aside the 2% of their crop.  The moment he set aside the 2% of his crop that crop became holy, and then later he would give it to the priest.  The first type is called Hafrosha and the second step is called Netina.  The moment that you set it aside then it became holy.  That's why it says they should "take" from Me.  They should take from Me these things, and once they set them aside and put them in their hearts and are also dedicated to these values, then they will become holy.  G‑d then puts His holiness upon them so they are taking from Me, so that I, too, can confirm that they are holy.  This is what we must do, too, if we are to build a Jewish home.  We must learn how to make differentiations.  We must learn how to see things in their proper perspective.  We must have a menorah which allows us to admit when we are wrong, which allows us to admit to the truth, to see the truth.  We must be able to separate between the holy and the secular by having wonderful relationships with our spouse.  We must have the ability to distinguish between the holy and the holy and remember that in certain periods of our lives certain aspects and degrees of responsibility take precedence.  We must also have a table which reflects the fact that this is a Jewish home, a home that is filled with love and Jewish music and joy and Jewish ceremonies and a kosher table, etc.  If we have these things then we can rest assured that G‑d truly will rest not in a Tabernacle per se but will rest in the Jewish home, will rest in the relationship between the husband and wife.  Let us all hope that we will have such relationships so that the Jewish marriage and the Jewish home will be strong and that the Jewish people will find, as they have in the past, great satisfaction in their marriages and that the marriage between two young people will be a continuing link in the chain of Jewish tradition and which also will produce children who will, too, want to perpetuate this tradition.  That's why everything was based upon the Ten Commandments and that is why the cherubim had the faces of children.  We learn that when the Shunamite woman built a room for Elisha the Prophet on her patio, on her roof, she put in a bed and a table and a chair and a lamp and that teaches us, too, that she made it on the second floor.  It was an aliyah, a going up.  Marriage is an experience which should elevate us and it will elevate us if we have these four elements, if we have the element of truth, the element of sensitivity to one's spouse, if we have the element of being able to differentiate between our prime responsibilities at different stages of our life, and if we have a home that is filled with Jewish symbolism and Jewish joy and Jewish continuity.  Let us all hope and pray that we will have such home so that the Jewish people will continue.

I am reminded of the story they tell about a boy who was playing basketball in his driveway.  All of a sudden one of his contacts came out.  He started to look for the contact but could not find it.  After 25 minutes he came to his mother and said, "Mama, my contact came out and I have looked for 25 minutes and I can't find it."  The mother said, "All right, Son, I will go look for it."  She goes out to the driveway and within 25 seconds she finds it.  The boy looks at his mother and says, "How come I looked for 25 minutes and I couldn't find it and you looked for 25 seconds and you found it?" The mother said, "Son, it's because we.  were looking for different things.  You were looking for a little piece of plastic, but I was looking for $150."  It is important that we recognize how to make distinctions in marriage.  It is important that we recognize how to live lives of holiness.  If we will do that then truly our marriages will be blessed, our families will be strong, and the Mashiach will come quickly in our day.  Amen.