SHEMOS 1980

The daughter of Pharaoh who saved Moshe’s life was called Batya which means daughter of G‑d.  Only those who are compassionate, who are moved by tears and suffering deserve the title of son or daughter of G‑d.  Those who have steeled themselves and who do not react to suffering have sacrificed their humanity.  Moshe originally thought that suffering enables.  It doesn’t.  That’s why he ran away after he found out the Jews could quarrel and be mean too, even though persecuted by the Egyptians.  

We never believe that suffering enobles.  It sometimes brings our best in people but many times it brings out worst.  A victim is not always noble.  In life we all suffer, we all have tragedies happen to us.  We must learn how to bear them but we don’t count them or believe they build character.  After Moshe fled Egypt he met his wife at a well.   He helped her.  He stopped her from being discriminated against by the shepherds.  

This is not the first time the leaders of our people met their wives by a well.  Jacob met Rachel at a well.  And Eliezer met Isaac’s wife Rebecca at a well.  A well has symbolism.  It shows us what is required for a happy marriage.  The letters of the word well themselves stand for_ B’yodcho Aseem Ruchi -In your hand I place my soul.  In other words, we’re all vulnerable.  We all need help.  There is no one who is self-centered.  We all need reinforcement we need to get rid of our existential loneliness, we need someone else.  

Judaism says that we need to be married.  The Rabbis say that another word for well Ayin  in Hebrew stand  for three other things nwecessaqry for a relationship.  It stands for the seventy of the Sanhedrin, Ya-ad goals  and nun the fifty days before they came to Sinai.  Sandhedrin stands for order, for duties, for responsibilities.  In order for a marriage to be successful both partners duties and responsibilities must be laid out.  You can’t say we’ll share everything.  That doesn’t work.  Each partner must know what he can expect from the other.  In a business does the office staff share the duties with the truck drivers of work, the mechanics.  In marriage what each one is expected to do must be laid out.  Otherwise there will be great resentment.  In some marriages one partner expects the other one to do everything and all he or she has to do is nothing expect to criticize.

The traditional marriages usually lasted longer because everyone knew what was expected of them.  Ya-ad stands for goals.  In every marriage common goals must be stated and agreed to even if these goals are only so prosaic as buying a house in the suburbs or saving for a trip.  Without common goals a marriage falls apart.  That’s why the Hollywood marriages fall apart.  Because each partner has a separate goal.  Well also stands for Snai.  In Snai the Jewish people became a people, they became a community.  A married couple needs more than themselves, they need the support of family, friends, and community.  A marriage partner cannot fulfill all his partner’s needs , of sense of existential loneliness.  

The nuclear family just doesn’t work.  Even on a nuclear level like loyalty and practical help it doesn’t work.  Snai also stands for the marriage between G-d and Israel, a marriage between two partners with different needs and unequal needs.  We need G‑d for everything.  G‑d needs us to help perfect this world, we have to recognize that each of us has different emotional needs.  Why do we marry who we do, because we’re emotionally attracted.  True, sexual attraction is part of it, too.  But you can be sexually attracted to many, many people as the house of prostitution testifies to.  We tend to marry emotional opposites, extroverts, introverts, take charge people, to shy withdrawn people.  Problems arise many times when couples present a united front to world what image to use.
To have a happy marriage then you need a

Definition of responsibilities and duties
Common goals
Family and friends
Emotional support

Without these marriage can fall apart.  Ao many false notions being pushed on wrong Story of teacher who wanted to convince class of evil of whiskey.  Brought two glasses, one whiskey the other water.  Put a worm in glass of water, worm thrived.  Put in whiskey, worm died.  Asked class what they learned from that.  A little boy raised his hand and said, “If you don’t want worms, drink whiskey”.