Noah 1989

In the Torah portion Noah we learn about the flood, about the terrible destruction which came upon the earth because the people acted evilly. The people, the rabbis tell us, were not evil.  They just acted in an evil way.  The rabbis tell us that in Hebrew the word for "character" is "Meedas", which means "measurement".  When people do not measure things correctly then good bursts its bounds and becomes evil.  That is why G-d destroyed the world with a flood, because water is good.  We pray for water every single day during the winter.  We need water.  Without water the land cannot fructify.  Nothing could grow.  We would all starve without water.  Our body, itself, is composed mainly of water.  We need water in order to live but too much water destroys us.  The same thing held true during the time of the flood.  The people at the time of the flood were people of great intellect and mind who were intent upon achieving worthwhile goals, but they were goals that were completely independent of other people.  They were intent upon gaining as much knowledge as possible but they did not seek to balance this knowledge with moral perspective.  The rabbis say that they were willing even to commit all sorts of crimes in order to further their knowledge; for example, experimenting on human beings, etc.  People have to realize that even in the pursuit of knowledge that there are certain limitations, and, therefore, they did not qualify what they were doing in any way by taking into consideration the feelings and cares and concerns of others. 

They were completely individualistic in their approach, and, therefore, eventually they ended up by destroying each other because knowledge is a two-edged sword.  Great amounts of knowledge in physics can improve living standards or they can also create an atomic bomb.  Great advances in chemistry can produce pesticides, etc. which will cause us to increase the food supply so starvation is no longer a threat to humanity, but it can also be used for chemical warfare.  This applies throughout all the spectrum of life, that achieving individual goals is important and right but it always must be balanced for concern for the greater common good. After the flood the people felt that they had learned a lesson of the flood, and, therefore, they decided they would do everything just for the common good, and so they decided to build a tower.  Unfortunately, they did not consider at all the needs of the individual, and, therefore, they were willing and able to sacrifice the individual for the good of the group, and they in turn sinned.  Their sin was not quite as great as the people before the flood because at least they were cooperating, but they had no consideration at all for the individual.  If a man would fall off the tower they would not even notice, but if a brick would fall off the tower they would all mourn. Unfortunately, in life we have people who go from one extreme to another, either rabid individualists or people who want to subsume the individual to the total group.  We see that in the communist countries today which are failing.  Individuals want to have the opportunity to express individuality, and we see, too, on the other extreme those countries that are ruled by robber barons or tyrants who only want to fulfill their own ambitions and they are willing to trample on anybody who gets in their way.  In life we must learn how to balance the needs of the common good with the needs of the individual.  This is a very difficult thing to do, but that is what we must do in life.  That is also what we must do in relationships as well. We must cement relationships in which the individual has the ability to express himself, to be creative, but, at the same time, the individual must be able to contribute to the common good and must limit his own tendency to exaggerate individualism by his concern for the common good.  This applies especially in marriage. 

That is why we talk about Noah being an "Eesh Tzadik Tomeem11, a man, a man who was interested in achievement, but he was also a Tzadik.  He knew how to empathize with others.  He knew how to balance his need for achievement with his concern for the common good, and, therefore, he was able to build a family.  In order to build a family we must again cater to the needs of our partner.  We have to understand what these needs are, and that, of course, is what the name, Shaim, his eldest son, means.  It means to differentiate, to know what other people need and give them what they need, not what we think we need.  We need to have warmth in any type of relationship.  We cannot just use people. Unfortunately, so many people today just want to use other people in order to get their ends or fulfill their own desires but they have no desire to share warmth, to be concerned about the other person, to be concerned about the other person's needs and desires.  That, of course, you have to have and you have to do if a marriage is to be successful.  Finally, you must have common goals and aspirations.  You must equally be concerned about beauty and about things besides yourselves.  You must work for common goals.  Unless you work for common goals you are going to find that the marriage, itself, is just a marriage of convenience and will fall apart. Unless you are working for greater goals than yourself then you are going to be in great difficulty.  A person has to prioritize first and realize that his family comes first.  That is why of all the achievements of Noah the first that is mentioned in this Torah portion is his own family, because a commitment to family is necessary in order to make the family succeed. They made a study of 350 couples in the United States who had been married more than 30 years, and they found that the most essential ingredient in their marriage that held their marriage together was the fact that they had a commitment to the institution of marriage, itself, that they wanted to make marriage work, that they made that their first priority, and they were willing to cater to each other's needs to make sure that that marriage would work. 

That, of course, is a very difficult thing to do, not to squelch individual creativity while, at the same time, doing things for the common good, but that is what is essential if man is to survive. That, of course, is what we emphasize in the way we daven in shul.  We daven in a minyan but everyone davens individually.  We need the group but we also need individual achievement.  In marriage, too, one partner cannot stifle the other.  You have to let the other one fulfill their own need for beauty and creativity, but, at the same time, they also have to limit their own thrusts for creativity by the need to make the marriage work and by making it prominent in their lives.  There is no such thing as fairy tale marriages.  Marriages must be worked at day in and day out if the couple is to be happy.  You cannot rest on past laurels because sometimes needs change and you must be there in order to satisfy the needs of your partner.  Sicknesses come, other problems come, and you must always be prepared to limit your own creativity to make sure that your partner can get through the rough spots in life.  You must always look, too, at the bright things in life.  You should not look always at the negative things in life.  Unfortunately, there are too many people who cannot see the whole picture.  Noah was a man who was also considered whole because he would see the good in life.  Sometimes people just harp on the bad in life.  We must be optimistic.  That is an essential ingredient in marriage. Without the ability to be optimistic, without the ability to feel that together you two can solve problems and overcome them, you will have a hard time making a marriage work, too. I am reminded of the story they tell about how G-d appeared to Bush, Gorbachev, and Shamir.  He told them that in two weeks the world was going to be destroyed. Bush got on television and said, "I have good news and bad news.  The good news is G-d exists, and the bad news is the world is going to be destroyed in two weeks."  Gorbachev got on television and said, "I have bad news and worst news.  The bad news is G-d exists, and the worst news is the world is going to be destroyed in two weeks."  Then Shamir got on television and said, "I have good news and better news.  The good news is G-d exists, and the bad news is the Intifada will be ended in two weeks." We all must look at our problems with hope and with the realization that together we can solve them.  That is what makes a marriage work and that is what makes all relationships work.  If we are willing to work together for common goals with a common desire to make sure these goals are achieved while, at the same time, allowing each of us our individuality and creativity then rest assured we will be able to have wonderful relationships.  It is not easy, but that is what we must do if a marriage is to succeed. May all the marriages in our community succeed so that truly we will be blessed with people who understand what is important in life and will, therefore, contribute to make this community a better community.   


The Torah portion Noah starts out with the sentence, "These are the generations of Noah.  Noah was a righteous man, perfect he was in his generation. Noah walked with G-d, and Noah begat three sons:  Shaim, Chom, and Yofetz." The rabbis ask why is it that the Torah combines Noah's good qualities with also telling us that he had 3 sons?  Why does it say "these are the generations of Noah" and then "Noah was a righteous man, holy he was in his generation" and then goes on to say he walked with G-d and, finally, lists the names of his sons.  If the Torah would have wanted to tell us about the generations of Noah, it would say "these are the generations of Noah:  Shaim, Chom, and Yofetz".  Why did it have to go and tell us these other things?  The rabbis explain that when it says Noah was an Eesh it meant that he was a man of skills.  According to the Medrash he invented the plow.  He was a man of achievement.  He was a Tzadik, which meant that he could empathize with others, that he not only had a brain but that he was able to empathize and sympathize with others.  That is a very important trait.  In fact, there are many people who have brilliant minds, but they do not know how to empathize and sympathize with others and feel their pain and suffering, and, therefore, they can never reach the category of a Tzadik. 

They say about the Chofetz Chaim, Rabbi Israel Meir Cohen, that he was a great man not just because of his books because others have written books, too, but because he had such a great empathy with people.  When people would have problems he would sympathize with them and would be visibly shaken by their problems.  That is why also he was a Tomeem, a person who was able to integrate within himself his learning and his ability to empathize with people.  He was a whole person. He was not just swayed by the passions of his heart or by the rationalizations of his mind.  Instead he was a man who was whole and complete. That is, too, why it mentions here who Noah’s progeny were.  Noah's oldest son was Shaim, and the rabbis say this also refers to his qualities, that he was a man who was able to name something.  When you name something you have power over it.  He was able to differentiate between different things. Unfortunately, there are many people who cannot make subtle distinctions. They do not know how to cater to other people's needs because they see everything as the same.  These people are also bored with life because they cannot see the multifacets and colors that are in life because they cannot make the necessary distinctions.  Every person is individual and has special needs that have to be catered to. He also was a warm hearted person.  That is what the second characteristic is mentioned as Chom.  That is what allowed him to empathize with others. He had the brain to differentiate and he had the soul to be able to show warmth with other people.  Finally, he had beauty, Yofetz.  He was able to appreciate beauty.  What does beauty do to us?  Beauty teaches us something new about ourselves.  When you read a beautiful poem, when you see a beautiful painting you get a new perspective upon yourself.  You see within yourself how you, yourself, really feel and really understand certain things, and because this artist has been able to show you yourself you admire him very much.  He is able to show you something that you otherwise could not have been able to perceive.  Therefore, we, too, when we look at other people should realize that they are unique and special and can add to our own self-understanding, that because they act in a certain way we can understand ourselves better, too.  Therefore, we never denegrate anyone.  As the rabbis say, we can learn from everyone.  This was Noah's great traits.  Noah was a person who was at rest and peace with himself.  That is what the word "Noah" means.  He was a man who was not only driven by his mind and not only was he driven by his need to empathize with others, but he was also able to balance these drives so that he was able to appreciate the beauty around him and even the beauty within himself.  This is very important traits, especially for a young married couple, that they should know how to cater to each other's needs, that they should know how to differentiate between their needs and their spouse's needs.  A man cannot say, "Well, I was nice to my wife.  I got her an extra ticket for the Oiler game."

He has to realize that maybe his wife is not interested in Oiler games. The same thing is true with a wife.  If she said she was being extra special to her husband because she got him a special birthday card when really he did not care whether he got birthday cards or not, but the important thing is to cater to the person in front of you, not to satisfy your own needs. The second thing is to show warmth.  Don't put a barrier between you and your spouse.  Finally, you must share beauty and to realize that other people's beauty brings out the best within you, too, and that we can learn so much from each other and should never put anyone down.  If we are willing to do these things, then truly we will be blessed with wonderful relationships, Noah was an "Eesh", a man of achievement, a "Tzadik", a man who empathized with others, but, most importantly, he was whole.  He was a man who had a balanced personality because he knew how to balance the mind and the soul with the need for beauty.  Let us hope we will all be able to do these things so that we will all be able to live a happy life.