KI SISSA 1998

In the Torah portion, Ki Sissa, we learn about the sin of the golden calf.  It almost seems incomprehensible how the Jewish people could have just a short few weeks after receiving the Torah on Mount Sinai, after having experienced G-d's presence, descend so quickly into idol worship.  Yehuda HaLevy, in the Kuzari, and the Eben Ezra say that the Jewish people really did not descend into idol worship; they just needed a visual representation of G-d.  They needed to have a holy place to which to direct their thoughts, and the Ramban claims that because of the sin of the golden calf, G-d made a concession to the Jewish people and allowed them to build the Tabernacle.  The Ramban says actually the Jewish people were not looking to worship idols at all.  All they wanted was a new leader.  The text says that, "the people saw that Moshe delayed to come down from the mountain, and the people gathered against Aaron and said, 'Get up and make for us Elohim,' " which can be translated gods or judges, "that they will go before us because this man, Moshe, who took us out from Egypt, we do not know what happened to him."  In other words, the people panicked because they did not have a leader.  They were a slave people.  They did not feel they could make it unless they had strong leadership.  They were not asking for idols; they were asking for a leader who was going to take care of them and protect them and guide them.  In fact, in Rashi, we learn how the sky became dark and they saw an image of a coffin being carried in the heavens, and they were sure Moshe had died.  They immediately became depressed and filled with anguish.  They panicked.

I remember once how I had the terrible task of having to tell a semi-invalid that his wife had just had a heart attack.  The semi-invalid's wife had been taking care of him for years.  She had gone out to the store and collapsed.  She was taken to the hospital.  I was called and asked to inform the husband what had happened.  I was given a key because it was hard for him to open the door.  I went to the house and opened the door.  He was, of course, surprised to see me.  I told him I had good news and bad news.  He looked at me and said, "Tell me the good news first."  I told him that his wife was going to recover, but she had a heart attack and would be in the hospital for more than a week.  He looked at me and the first thing he said was, "Who is going to take care of me?"  I was taken aback.  All that that person seemed to be thinking of was himself.  Of course, it was a natural response.  He was more worried about himself than about his wife.

The same thing can be said about the Jewish people.  They thought that Moshe had died, and all they could think about was who was going to take care of them.  I learned a long time ago that when I am depressed or panic stricken or mad, that is not the time to make a decision.  Most of the decisions we make when we are panic stricken or depressed or mad will return to haunt us.  After the Jewish people started worshipping the golden calf, G-d turned to Moshe and said, "Leave Me alone, and let My anger burn against them, and I will annihilate them."  What does it mean, to leave Me alone, the Talmud asks?  Was Moshe holding G-d's skirts?  G-d was, in effect, telling Moshe to plead for the Jewish people.  This is similar to a marriage when a spouse tells the other one, "I don't care.  Do what you want."  You had better not do it if you want your marriage to last.  Moshe, too, when he pleads for the Jewish people gives three arguments.

The first is, "G-d, You brought them out from Egypt.  You knew that many of them were worshipping idols.  You knew they were slaves."  The second argument was, "What will the Egyptians say?  Of course, it is not important what the Egyptians will say, but G-d, how can You explain this to the Egyptians?  How can You explain that You are a just G-d and You are wiping out a people who never had the opportunity to make free choices before."  The third argument was, "Remember Abraham, Yitzchak and Yaacov.  G-d, they have a rich heritage to fall back on which will allow them to correct their mistakes."  Later when Moshe pleads for the Jewish people after he had destroyed the golden calf and punished the people, he said, "This people has sinned a great sin."  If Moshe is being a defense attorney for the Jewish people, he is admitting their guilt.  Why does he say they did a big sin?

The answer is that many times when a person does a terrible thing, we an excuse it if it is out of character.  In other words, if a moral, decent citizen who has been a pillar of the community for years does something horrible, we are more apt to think that it is because he got sick, not because of a moral degeneracy.  Something is out of character.  We look for some physical reason.  For example, a person could have a brain tumor, manic depressive disease, Alzheimer's, etc.  It is patterns of behavior that usually depict an immoral character.  Moshe was telling G-d, "Listen, this sin of the Jewish people is out of character.  It was a result of panic or depression."  We all know that the relationship between G-d and the Jewish people is depicted as the relationship between a man and a woman in marriage.  When a person gets married, the person should not a few months later say, look what a terrible person I married.  Didn't you know who you were marrying?  I remember once a woman came to me complaining that her husband was beating her.  I asked if it was the first time he beat her.  She said, "No, he beat me when we were engaged."  I said, "Get a divorce immediately."  We are talking about a pattern of behavior, not an unusual circumstance.  Moshe told G-d, "You knew these people were a slave people."  A woman who marries a weak man should never expect him to be strong later.

Second, if after a few months you want a divorce, you had better have a good reason to explain why.  You cannot just say he did not put the toothpaste away or pick up his clothes or, as one person told me who was divorcing his wife, because he was bored.

Third, a young couple should remember that there are many resources in our faith which will help them overcome rough spots and make a good marriage.  There is much wisdom in our tradition about how young couples especially can get along.  We all know that if there is a problem in a marriage, the couple should look and see whether or not this is a result of depression or panic or a disease.  If it is, then they should forgive and forget, but if it is a pattern of behavior, then probably the marriage is doomed.  The marriage between the Jewish people and G-d has lasted for at least 3500 years, and we know that it will continue to exist because G-d knows who He has in the Jewish people, and we know what our responsibilities are.  A young couple, too, must always know who their partner is and what their responsibilities are.

I am reminded of the story about a person who came up to his friend and said, "Am I in trouble! Six months ago I loaned someone $20,000 to have plastic surgery, and I can't collect from them."  The friend asked why not.  The man answered, "Because I don't know what he looks like."  We should all know what our spouse looks like, who they are so we can have a happy marriage.  May we all have happy marriages so the Mashiach will come quickly in our day.  Amen.