KI SISSA 1997

In the Torah portion Ki Sissa we learn about the sin of the golden calf.  It is hard to understand how the people, who had been at the pinnacle of spirituality, could in just the space of 40 days descend into idol worship.  It seems almost incomprehensible, especially since the Talmud tells us that usually people do not: give up their religion and their religious practices all at once.  They do it gradually.  They are usually tempted by the saran; as the rabbis say, to first give up a little practice.  First people say, "Well, I don't have to be so careful about two sets of dishes for milk and meat."  Then pretty soon they do not buy kosher meat and then they are not so careful about Shabbos and then they stop coming to shul on Shabbos and pretty soon they are not careful about Pesach and having two sets of dishes and pretty soon they stop keeping Pesach and they stop coming to shul both days of Rosh Hashonna, and gradually the Jewish religion flies out of the window, but that it usually a process of years, not just of 40 days.  How is it possible that the Jewish people could have reverted to idol worship so quickly?  It does not seem to make any sense.

Also, when Moshe Rabbeinu argues with (G-d and tells G-d to forgive the Jewish people he says to Him, "G-d, this nation has.  sinned a great sin and they have made for them gods of gold.  Now if You will not forgive their sin, You shall wipe me out from Your book that You wrote."  It is hard to understand this because; first of all, Moshe was supposed to be the Jewish people's defender, and here he is admitting that they did a terrible and big sin.  What's more, what he is saying here is that they had made for them gods of gold, when actually he is putting forth the worst case scenario.  You could claim that all the people were doing was looking for a leader to replace Moshe, that they did not feel that they could communicate directly with G-d, so they needed a leader who would lead them.  They needed somebody who would be an intermediary between them and G-d, so why did Moshe state everything in such stark terms?  Also, why did he say, "Wipe me out from Your book"?  Of course, G-d answered him correctly and He said, "Only the one who sinned to Me will I wipe out from My book," but why did Moshe even say such a thing?

The rabbis explain that when the Jewish people saw that Moshe was delayed, and, in fact, the word used is Boshais which could also be read in Hebrew as Beshais, by six hours they panicked.  Why did they panic?  They panicked because they saw in the sky an image of Moshe, that they say that the world became all dark and they saw an apparition of Moshe being carried to his grave in a funeral procession.  They were sure that Moshe was not dead and they panicked.  They became terribly depressed.  We know that when people become depressed, they make terrible and bad decisions.  That is one of the reasons why at a house of mourning we do not ask G-d to accept our prayers.  We know in the kaddish that we say after the Shmone Esre, which is not said by mourners, we ask G-d to accept our prayers and our petitions, but we do not say that prayer in a house of mourning because many times mourners ask for things that they should not ask for.  They are terribly depressed and they either blame people for certain things or they make certain promises they cannot keep, and we do not want G-d to accept these types of prayers because they are really made under duress, and this is exactly how the rabbis explain Moshe's attitude, too.  Moshe felt terribly depressed himself.  That is why he said, "Wipe me out from this book."  He felta total failure.  Here he had brought out the people from Egypt and made it possible for them to receive the Torah, and here they betrayed everything in such a short time.  Moshe, himself, out of despair was saying, "Wipe me out from this book."  Of course, we know that the antidote to failure is to try again.  Moshe should not have been so depressed, but he was terribly depressed and this is what he was saying, too.  He was saying that the people made a terrible decision.  G-d, they made this decision because they were depressed, and we all know that when people are depressed they make terrible, bad decisions.  That is why I advise people who come to see me who are depressed, never make any decisions now.  Wait until you come out of this depression, and if you have to make a decision, make sure you consult enough people so that they are able to judge whether this decision that you are making now is a correct and right decision.  The people were in such a state, that is why they worshipped the golden calf.  We all know that many times people will act out of character when they are subjected to unusual types of stress.  For example, that is one of the signs of a brain tumor, when a person acts in an entirely inappropriate way based upon his past history.  We know, too, that that will happen sometimes to people, too, who are inebriated, that people who have been gotten drunk by some of their friends will say and do all sorts of things they would never do if they were sober.  Of course, there are certain people who want to get drunk so they can get away with doing all sorts of things.  In fact, that is what happens in Japan.  Japan is such a tight, orderly society.  After a person has one drink he feels he can do all sorts of things he normally would not do and get away with it because he was drunk.

Therefore, Moshe's plea to G-d was, they did a terrible sin.  It was totally out of character, G-d, and, therefore, You have to treat this as a sickness, as a pathology, and not as a wanton crime.  This was Moshe's defense.  Why did Moshe say, "Wipe me out from this book"?  Because, G-d, if You do not do it, it shows that You are not a just G-d.  You are not treating the people in a correct way.  They were under duress.  It was not really their fault.  The satan had arranged that there should be my funeral procession in heaven, They were sure that I was dead.  They were panicky.  After all, here they were in the desert without food and water.  How could they survive?  They relied on me.  How could they make it now?  They were in an impossible situation and they just panicked, G-d, so, therefore, G-d, You should forgive them.

Of course, we can look at this Torah portion and say that it is really teaching us how to overcome depression.  In fact, we learn at the very beginning of this Torah portion when it says, "You should lift up the heads of the sons of Israel."  What does this mean?  The rabbis explain that when a person gives charity, he saves himself from death.  Why?  Because when he gives Machtzis HaShekel, Machtzis means half, Tzedakah is the middle letter of the word Machtzis, and the two right next to Tzadek is Chai, life, and further away is the word Mais, death, and what that means is that when a person has troubles, if he will attach himself to others and try to help other people, his own sorrows will be mitigated.  That is why we have an expression in the Talmud which says that the troubles of the multitude are half the consolation.  What does that mean?  Does that mean that we hope that people will have lots of trouble?  No, that means that when you stretch yourself out and are able to help other people, that lifts your own depression and causes you to be a contributing person again to society.  It allows you to lift up your head.  What happens when a person is depressed?  That person lowers his head.  We know depression can have terrible effects when people-break off from a long term relationship, with a divorce or a breakup, it causes terrible depression, and people can actually die from this depression.  It used to be called love sicknesses because depression can affect the immune-system we now know.  We know that the aborigines in Australia, if they are kicked out of their clan, they just sit down and die.  They just cannot take it anymore.  We know that depression is a terrible thing and we have to learn how to lift up our heads again.
That's why at the end of this Torah portion it says that Moshe Korand, that Moshe, as Michelangelo said, had horns, and others say it means rays, Of course, we know that Moshe did not have any horns but Korand in Hebrew also means to have pride, to be able to lift up your head.  In fact, that is what we read every day in the Shmone Esre when we say; "And his horns should be raised with Your salvation," which really means his pride should be enhanced through Your salvation, that we, G-d, are given the opportunity by helping You bring salvation to this world to lift up our heads, to have pride, and Moshe then had pride.  Yes, true, the first tablets were destroyed and the second tablets he had to hew out himself and G-d did not hew him out and there was not a whole big fuss in nature about the giving of the second tablets, but Moshe's pride-was-restored.  He knew that the people were going to come back.  Every time the Jewish people backslide, they are still going to be able to come back.  His own depression had lifted, and we know that our own depression can lift, too, if we attach ourselves to others.

Later on we also learn about the different things in the Temple and so forth that could only be done by priests and that many of them were one time occurrences, but so what if we cannot do everything in life?  It is not important.  What is important in life is that we can do certain things in life, and as long as we can do certain things in life, then we should lift up our heads.  We should life away our depression by working with others to make this a better world.  There are, of course, going to be the inevitable problems in life and depressions.  Life is filled with sickness.  We all know people who were so brilliant, who had photographic minds and now they cannot even remember their phone number.  We know people who were great Talmudists and they do not even know their own name anymore.  Life is filled with all sorts of problems, with all sorts of griefs, with all sorts of things which could depress us, but we have to remember that we can come out of our depression.  We can lift our head up again, but we should always remember never to make decisions when we are depressed because we will make wrong decisions, as the Jewish people did when they worshipped the golden calf because they were just overcome with the idea that they were now lost because their leader was lost, and their leader was going to be the one who was going to allow them to navigate in a desert without food or water.  Let us all hope and pray that we will always realize that we will occasionally have bouts of depression but that we can overcome them, and that we should never make decisions when we are depressed.
I am reminded of the story they tell about a man who was feeling very blue.  He went to look at one of the automobile agencies and was looking at all the cars and saw that they were all very beautiful and nice.  One of the salesmen came over and said, "I want you to know that they are bigger than ever and last a life time."  So the man felt he should buy the car, so he bought the car.  Later he learned that the salesmen was referring to the payments.  Let us never make decisions when we are depressed.  Let us always look to lift our depression and make right decisions so that the Mashiach will come quickly in our day.  Amen.