KI SISSA 1988

In the Torah portion Ki Sissa we learn about the sin of the golden calf.  It is curious, though, that right preceding the sin of the golden calf we learn about Shabbos and we learn about how the was appointed to construct the Tabernacle, and we learn how the spices were put together to make the incense for the Temple in the holy part of the Temple, and we learn about the laver, and then we begin by learning about the half a shekel that was given as a kaporah, as an atonement, by every Jew every year.  It seems, though, strange that we would learn these things before the sin of the golden calf.  What do these things have to do with the sin of the golden calf? Especially, it seems strange that we learn about the incense.  When we learn about the incense we learn about the Chabono.  One of the spices that was put into the incense was the gum of a shrub growing in Asia Minor in Persia.  This Chabono had a disagreeable odor.  Its inclusion seemed to distract from the other spices, but, yet, the rabbis teach us and the Torah tells us that unless this Chabono was in the spices the spices were not effective.  They did not fulfill the commandment of burning incense in the holy part of the Tabernacle.  We can perhaps understand about the giving of the half of a shekel in this Torah portion because, after all, we all need atonement.  Each of us during the year does certain things that we are ashamed of.  We say things we should not say.  We insult people.  We take shortcuts we should not take so we can understand why we need this type of atonement, especially since later on when we learn about the golden calf we learn how the Jewish people there slipped and how they were in need of atonement.  But why do we have to learn about the laver and the spices and about Betzalel and Shabbos before we learn about the sin of the golden calf?  There is no chronological order in the Torah, and the Torah could have been arranged in an altogether different fashion.  What' s more, Why are we really so upset about the sin of the golden calf? We learn that G-d does forgive people when they do things which they really did not mean to do, when they sin and slip, and that, of course, is why we learn about the half of shekel, but why was G-d so upset about the Jewish people sinning with the golden calf?  After all, the Jewish people were worried.  Moshe had delayed coming, some say 6 hours, some say more than that, but he had delayed coming.  The people were afraid.  After all, they did need a leader.  Even in the United States when President Reagan was shot it was a terrible situation in which someone had to take over, and General Haigue stepped forward and said, "I am now in charge."  He paid politically for this, but it was important that he do this.  The enemies of the United States should know someone was in charge and they could not take advantage of the weakness of the United States at this particular moment.  But, yet, G-d is so tough on the Jewish people when they say they need a leader.  Why was He so tough on them? Maybe they made a mistake.  They should have been more patient, but why was He so tough on them that He wanted to destroy the people because they made this golden calf?  The answer, of course, is that the people really did not want a leader.  If they would have wanted a leader they had Aaron.  Aaron, after all, was Moshe' s confidante.  He went with Moshe on every mission that he went to Pharaoh.  Aaron knew all the intricacies of everything that was going on with the Jewish people.  If they really wanted a leader they had a leader in Aaron, and if they did not like Aaron there were other insipient leaders like Joshua and the princes of all the tribes.  They did not need a golden calf if that is what they wanted, if they wanted a leader, but the Jewish people did not want a leader then.  They wanted to be free from the commitment they made at Sinai.  They said, "We will do and we will obey and we will understand," but they had second thoughts.  They really did not mean it because the laws of Sinai meant that they now were bound by family, by responsibility, by commitment, and many of them did not want that at all.   The rules of family were much stricter now than they had been in Egypt.  The people wanted to be loose.  That's why it says, "And Moshe saw that the people were loose, that they had broken loose because Aaron had let them loose for a division among their enemies."  What they really wanted was to be free of all this responsibility, of all this commitment, of family obligation.  That is why they were punished so strictly because Judaism is dependent upon family.  Without family there can be no Judaism.  I cannot understand how people come to me today and say, "I wish my in-laws would not come and visit me.  I don' t want to see them.  They should stay away."  Even if they are not the best of people, even if they have faults, that is no way to talk.  Do religious people forget about the Ten Commandments f about honoring your parents? A husband and wife have no right to deny grandparents the privilege of seeing their children and grandchildren.  How can you say that in-laws cannot come and visit? In America, unfortunately, because of economics, families live apart.  Children do not live in the same city as their parents.  If people really believe in family, if they really believe in commitment, really believe in devotion then they would welcome the visits of in-laws and of their own parents.  They would not say they do not want to see them or be with them or forbid their spouse to bring them to our city or go see them in their city.  This is not what religious people can say.  This is destructive of family.

In Judaism, too, we know that we believe in marriage, that marriage is a very essential part of our religion.  We believe in children.  We believe in family, that people should get married.  We believe that women and men have definite roles to play in the world.  Women should have children and men should support the children.  This does not mean that women cannot work.   This does not mean we do not believe in women's rights that women cannot have positions in ithe community, and this does not mean that women cannot follow professions.  After all, in Europe the women control the money and sex in marriage and the men got an aliyah to the Torah.  Sitting by your husband in services does not mean you are strengthening family.  What strengthens family is commitment, commitment to children, commitment to each other.  That is what strengthens marriage.  When people believe they have to help their family, be with their family, and are willing to assume the roles that nature gave them in order to have a family, this is essential.  Even Betty Friedan has come out with a new book which says that just because you are special does not mean that you are not equal.  Of course, women need special consideration when women are pregnant and having children.  Of course, they need daycare, etc.  Of course they need special leave, and there is nothing against equality in that.  Betty Friedan is not talking like an orthodox rabbi.  Roles of the sexes are different when it comes to child rearing and childbearing, but this does not mean that women cannot have occupations.  In fact, in Europe it was the women who were the business ladies.  It was the women who controlled the money.  This does not mean, of course, that women need their husbands in order to pray.  Women can pray directly to G-d.  They did not need their husband in order to pray to G-d.   We find the same problem today with children.  People do not want to have children.  How can we be a religious Jew and not want to have children?  That is the first commandment.  "Be fruitful and multiply."  Here we find today that there are so many young people who do not want to get married and do not want to have children.  According to certain doctors, 30% of all men in America are homosexuals.  It is not true that all the homosexuals are born that way.  Most men can go either way.  In fact, in ancient Sparta all the men were homosexuals.  The Spartans found they made better soldiers if they had lovers and fought for their lovers.  In Sparta the men and women only got together once a year in order to make children and that was it.  Of course, one of the reasons Sparta fell was because they did not have enough children.  We need to have children.  Judaism in America is suffering because they aren't children.  People no longer believe in family, in commitment.  In fact, I just saw on the news the other night how Ford Motor Company was going to give large bonuses to their workers, and the state decided that what they would do is take these bonuses themselves before Ford gave them to the workers so they could pay child support.  On the television you saw the faces of angry men who said, "I earned this money.  It is my money.  I don't feel I should give it up."  These men were not interested in supporting their children, but they are their children and they should support their children.  Twenty-five percent of children in America live in poverty because young couples are getting divorced very easily and men are not willing to support their children.  Women are not willing to have children, many of them, and men are not willing to support the children that they do have.  This, of course, is a terrible situation and causes for the destruction of all Jewish values.  Jewish values are based upon the fact that women want to be women and men want to be men.  Women want to have children and men want to support their children.  Of course, this does not mean that women cannot have jobs and careers.  Today, of course, we are honoring a couple both of whom are doctors and who, thank G-d, have four children and who understand that in a marriage and in a family children are important.  It is important that a father be willing to show responsibility for his children.   This is what the people who worshipped the golden calf were rebelling against.  They were rebelling against devotion and dedication and commitment.  They wanted to be free and loose to do anything they wanted to do.  In fact, according to many rabbis, when they built the golden calf they threw the gold in and out came this image of the golden calf.  Actually it probably was not a golden calf, according to certain authorities, but in their eyes it looked like a golden calf because they saw what they wanted to see.  Of course, there are problems in the world.  Of course, we have to solve the problems of the world.  The reason we learn about the spices before the golden calf is because there was a Charbono in the spice.  Even in such a holy Object as the spices that were used to signify purification in the Temple there was one part of it that was bitter, that had a disagreeable odor.  Sure, you can pick at marriages and relationships and find that things are not perfect.  Sure, you can pick at in-laws and say why they should not come, but this does not mean that they should not come.   Everything in life has some down side, too, but this does not mean that the whole principle is wrong.  It does not mean your in-laws should not visit, that you should not have children, that you should not get married, that a husband should not support his children.  Of course, you can always point to this and that, but that is wrong.  It is wrong to do that.  That is, too, why we have the laver before the golden calf.  We Jewish people are willing to sacrifice for many, many causes.  Unfortunately, there are not too many today who are willing to sacrifice for family and for commitment and for responsibility.  There was a strange place that the laver was placed.  It was not placed before the altar for the priests to wash their hands before the altar.  Of course, they did but in another place, but it was placed between the altar and the Ten Commandments.  After the priests sacrificed they should wash their hands and pause and see what am I doing? Am I sacrificing for things that will destroy a family, that will destroy the values of Judaism that it is based upon? Of course.  we learn about Shabbos here, too, because unless you set aside time for your family you will not have a family.  We learn about Betzalel constructing things for the Temple because Betzalel was ordered not to work on Shabbos, even for such a holy thing as the Temple, You have to set aside time for your family.  The most important thing, according to Judaism, is the family, is assuming commitment to your family, is assuming responsibility for your family.  If you are willing to do that then Judaism will survive.  If you are not, then Judaism cannot survive.  Let us hope and pray that none of us will worship the golden calf, that none of us will want to be free from this responsibility, but that we will remain committed and loyal and devoted so that Judaism will continue forever.

I am reminded of the story they tell about a woman who screamed at her son and said, "Why did you kick your brother in the stomach?"  the boy answered, "It was an accident."  The mother asked, "What do you mean it was an accident?"  The boy replied, "He turned around."  If we are heading in the wrong direction, if we give up family and devotion and commitment and responsibility, then if things fall apart we have no one else to blame but ourselves.  If we say we did not intend to do it, so what? We must stress those values of family and commitment and education which are necessary for Judaism to survive.  Let us all hope that we will stand for these values.