CHAYE SARA 1984
 
In the Haphtorah to the Torah portion Chaye Sara we learn about King David's last days.
We learn that unlike the last days of Abraham, which are mentioned in our Torah portion,
the last days of David were marked by turbulence and trouble.  A second son, Adinijah,
assumed power even while his father was alive.  David, of course, had promised the throne
to Solomon, and when the Prophet Nathan heard about this he went to Bathsheba, Solomon's
mother, and told her, "You had better tell the King about what Adinijah is doing."
He said he would go after to confirm her words that Adinijah had set himself up as King.
King David, after he hears this, asserts his authority from his sickbed, and Solomon
was assured that he would be king.  This is not the first revolt that David had to put
down from his own children, and earlier a more serious one took place a few years before
when his oldest son, Absalon, rebelled against him.  David was and still is a beloved
figure to the Jewish people.  His very name "David" means "beloved." To this day we
Jews can relate to him better than to almost any other leader.  In fact, if we would
take a survey of the Biblical names given to Jewish children, I think we would find
that in large measure the name David predominates.  David was a man of passion.  He
had a great love for people and for G-d.  He was a leader, and he had his faults.  He
did not even look Jewish.  He was short and redheaded.  He had been the 7th son, but
he was a man who rallied to the cause of his people.  He was a man who, in spite of
his faults, we can all identify with, perhaps because of his faults.  We all know the
terrible sin David committed with Bathsheba, and even if you accept the rabbinic interpretation
that Bathsheba already had a conditional divorce, still the moral sin was great; otherwise,
David would not have been punished.  We are all aware of this sin, but he had another
fault, perhaps an even worse fault.  He did not know now to raise good children.  This
Haphtorah tell us why King David failed as a father.  It says about Adinijah "and his
father never aggravated him any of his days to say, 'Why did you do this?1".  His father
did not take a positive interest in him.  He said, "You do your thing and I will do
my thing."  He never questioned why he was doing this or that.  His children then grew
up thinking that their father really did not care for them.  We see the same problem
 
today when parents, in the name of independence and growth and freedom for their children, neglect them.  They take no interest in what they are doing.  They do not counsel them or give them advice.  They say, "You have to make your own decisions."  It is true teenagers should make some of their own decisions, but they should know where their parents stand. The children today do not neglect this parental indifference as a means for making them more free and more independent.  They look at it as neglect.  The truth of the matter is that to many parents children are a burden and not a blessing.  Parents feel they could do so many more things if they did not have children.  Also, children like naturally to please their parents, and if they are not given the opportunity to please their parents then they turn to hate them instead.  Children also must have an identity.  They must know who they are and what they are, and if they cannot identify with their parents they will identify with others:  rock stars, dope addicts, etc.  In contrast to King David we learn about Abraham, how Abraham took an active interest in his child, how Abraham even sent Avimelech to fetch a wife for his son.  Isaac was no baby at this time.  He was 37 years old, but they discussed things.  Obviously, Isaac did not always do everything his father wanted.  We learn that after the Akedah Abraham went his way and Isaac went his way, but Isaac did not feel neglected or abandoned.  It says in the Torah portion that G-d blessed Abraham with everything, and some explain that this means G-d blessed him with a son.  What does this mean? We all know that G-d had blessed
Abraham with a son, but it means that G-d blessed Abraham with a son with whom he could
communicate, with whom he could talk things over.  No one would ever say about Isaac
that his father never asked him, "What is happening? What is going on?" This is probably
the same reason why Isaac hesitated before he married Rivka.  He knew that she was a good person, and that they were even sexually attracted to each other; otherwise, why should Rivka have covered herself when she saw Isaac, but he wanted to make sure he could talk with her.  They had to determine that before they could get married.  It is very important to establish communication between the generations.  David was a great man, and if David had trouble raising good kids, what can be said about us?  If he failed
 
how can we be expected to succeed?  Parents, though, who fail to establish communication with their children are setting themselves up to fail.  The generations will miss each other.  They will not understand each other because they cannot communicate.  I am reminded of the story of the person and his friend who were passing by a car.  In the window there was a sign that said, "For Sale - 4885093." He turned to his friend and said, "Are you interested?" The friend said, "Why should I be?  I already have a phone number." The ability to communicate takes a lot of effort and unless this effort is made between the generations it is almost impossible to raise good children.