BEREISHITH 1996

In the Torah portion BEREISHIS we learn the story about Cayin and Hevel. We learn how Cayin kills Chevel, his brother.  Even after he has killed him he still refers to him as his brother. When G-d asks him, "Where is Chevel, your brother?" he answers by saying, "I do not know. Am I my brother's keeper?"

The rabbis say that Chayin did not kill Chevel because he no longer conceived of him as his brother; he killed him because he got in his way. The brothers had a different philosophy of life. The word Cayin in Hebrew comes from the word, which means to acquire. Cayin believed that the purpose of life was to acquire power and to acquire things. The word Hevel, on the other hand, means breath in Hebrew, Hevel was concerned about human relationships, about how to talk to people and get along with people. He was called a Roeh Tzon, which in Hebrew means not only a shepherd but also a spiritual leader. Hevel was interested in spiritual things.  He knew that the most important thing in life was relationships. When he dealt with people he would not deal with them as objects, but he dealt with them as individuals.  He gave of himself when he dealt with people and with G-d.

The question is often raised, wasn't it really G-d’s fault that Cayin killed Hevel? After all, G-d turned to the sacrifice of Chevel and not to the sacrifice of Cayin. Why was G-d so arbitrary? From the text it does not seem that there was any substantial difference between the sacrifices. One brought an offering from the fruit of the ground and the other brought from the first born of his sheep. There is, though, a significant difference in the text where it says, "And Hevel brought Gam Hu", which in Hebrew means, "And Hevel brought also himself. " He did not just bring his offering; he brought himself. G-d wanted more than just an offering. G-d wanted a person to bring himself.   Today we see it happen so often that parents will give their children everything material but they will fail to give them themselves. They have time for everything else but for their children.

In fact, it is interesting to note that the word that is used to say that G-d turned to Hevel and his offering, vayisha, has the same root as the word for time, G-d gave Chevel His time because Hevel gave G-d his time. There are so many parents today who will give their children the finest toys, the best piano and ballet and gymnastic and sports lessons, but they will not give them themselves. These children many times end up actually hating their parents because they feel cheated.

I have been teaching Hebrew school now for more than 40 years, and I can tell you that when I first started the children were a lot different than they are today.  In those days the Jewish community was not as wealthy as it is today, and most of the parents were lower middle class or working class people, but the children knew that their parents had given them the greatest of all gifts. They had given them themselves. They had given them their time.

Hevel’s philosophy was what is important is giving of yourself, being there for your friends, being there for your family, spending time with them, singing with them, joking with them, comforting them when they need solace. Cayin’s philosophy was altogether different. He only wanted to use people. When it was good for business, he would be nice to people but when he had no sue for them to acquire more things he would drop them. He knew that Hevel was his brother, and when he says, "Am I my brother's keeper?" he used a peculiar expression for keeper.  You would think that he would use the  word araiv, which in Hebrew means guarantor. He was willing to be a guarantor for a business partner. He was willing to be pleasant when it would benefit him, but to be a true friend, that he did not have time for and that is what a shomer means, a true friend, one who will tell you the truth even if you do not want to hear it, A true friend is a person who does not tell you things just so he can get things out of you.  He is not a sycophant, a flatterer. A true friend is one who tells you the truth because he wants to protect you from the pitfalls of life.

The rabbis say that when G-d created Eve the Torah says G-d created her as an ezer kenegdo, which means a helpmate opposite Him. The rabbis explain that in a marriage the true job of a spouse is to tell each other the truth. They are not supposed to agree with the spouse just because their spouse said something. That is not a true spouse. You can only help a spouse if you tell them the truth as you see it. It may not always be the truth, but at least it is the truth from your perspective. A true spouse tries to prevent a friend or spouse from making mistakes. Cayin was suitably punished because he became a wanderer. He had no true friends. He could not establish any relationships with anybody.

Unfortunately, this happens today, too. Many times people come to see me who are terribly devastated and depressed. They have no true friends. Everyone knows that he is out just to use them. These people many times are very unhappy. They can buy all the sycophants they want but these people are not true friends. They will never tell them the truth and they know  that whatever they say is said only in an attempt to gain a monetary advantage. People need to have friends, Cayin ended up acquiring a lot of things but was unable to establish any real relationships with anybody.

We all know that we have to have a certain amount of things in order to live in the world. We have to have enough income and shelter and food and medical care, etc., but the most important things are the breath of kindness, of friendship, the breath of common study, the breath of warm relationships. We need people to help us overcome the rough spots in life, and we need ourselves to give to others. We need to be accepted for ourselves and have the capacity to bring joy to others as well as to achieve self-set goals. Cayin accomplished what he wanted. He acquired many things but in the process he lost his soul; he really lost everything.

I am reminded of the story they tell about a fellow who had an MG. He happened to drive up next to a Rolls Royce at a traffic light. The Rolls Royce guy asked him if he had a stereo in his car. He said he did.  He asked if he had a telephone. He said he did- He asked if he had a television in the car. He said he did. Then he asked if he had a bed in his car, and the fellow in the MG said no. Two weeks later the fellow with the MG saw the Rolls Royce parked on the side of the road with steam coming out. He got out and knocked on the window. He said, "I have a bed in my MG now." The fellow looked incredulously at him and said, "For that you got me out of the shower?"

There are always going to be people with greater things, but so what? As long as we have the warmth of good relationships, the breath of common study, and loving care and concern, what difference does it make? The important things are the values of Hevel, not the values of Cayin. Let's all hope and pray that we will all have those values so the Mashiach will come quickly in our day. Amen.